There Will Be Sunshine, Again.
Being this is my ‘first’ pregnancy, I thought I’d document the happenings via my Consciously Birthing blog. That way I could come back and read this when I’ve popped out 4 more babies or just when I’m old and menopausal.
So technically this isn’t my first pregnancy, hence the quotations. In late 2006 my guy and I conceived after a year and a half of being together. We weren’t necessarily trying, but we were ecstatic, to say the least.
During the pregnancy he had shown me a completely different side of himself. His chivalry points were skyrocketing as he offered to take me to and from work, pick me up ice cream and even go to appointments with me! We were overjoyed and contacted pretty much everyone in our cell phones to notify them of the glorious accomplishment!
After a week of making phone calls and sharing the gospel with family, friends and co-workers, I woke up one morning to a bit of spotting. I was hysterical. I called his sister, the only person I knew to have ever had a miscarriage and told her what I’d discovered. She comforted me and told me to calm down in an attempt not to worsen anything.
I decided to go to work that day as to put my mind off my fears. A few hours into my shift I noticed I was cramping quite a bit and went to the restroom. It was there, in the retail backroom bathroom that I miscarried the embryo.
I can remember it like yesterday! There was a large clot and in disbelief I pressed it in between the tissue and my fingers. It was hard. So I knew — it was over. I was 5 weeks.
Sobbing and covered in tears I ran to the ‘floor’ (retail term for front of store) and told my manager what had happened. She told me to go to the doctor to get aid. I called my guy to come pick me up and take me to the clinic.
We walked in and were seen immediately. The gynecologist informed me that I either passed a twin or had indeed miscarried. My instinct told me there was no twin. Once again, I knew it was over.
My guy took me home to get some rest as I cried my eyes out that day. I was in shock at the power of my own manifestation and no one was to blame. I could only pray that things would get better and that I’d have another chance to become a mother.
Eventually, I got over the loss of the pregnancy. The more research I did the more it comforted me that the ‘baby’ didn’t have a heartbeat and really hadn’t even taken a formation yet.
It was important for me to heal from that experience and I’m grateful that 3 years later I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to bring life onto Earth again. Although, it is still early in my pregnancy I am far enough along at 17 weeks, to be proud of this success and ready to really revel in our accomplishment!
Thank you to my wonderful, supportive family and friends who have showered me with love and well-wishes!!!